Thursday, May 7, 2009
IT'S ALL MY FREAKING FAULT
I MESS UP EVERYTHING!!! NOT YOU ME! i NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT. THAT'S WHY i HAVE CRAPPY GRADES. THATS WHY I CAN ONLY DO ONE THING WORTH WHILE. THATS WHY I HAVE NEVER TAKEN THE ACT! THATS WHY I HAVEN'T APPLIED TO COLLEGE. I CANNOT DO ANYTHING RIGHT I JUST EXPECT TO LUCK INTO THINGS. I never expected a stupid argument over a stupid pair of sunglasses would have me crying for the rest of the night but oh look it has. I'm just going to roll over and die. I don't want to talk to anyone this weekend I just want to go to tryouts and stay in bed for the rest of the time because I am the most awful person ever and I should be shot. And don't say "oh no no Brooke you are awesome" because it is not true. It never was true. And it will never be true. I have deluted myself and apparently everyone else into thinking that i'm actually cool. I'm not and I hate myself.
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Brooke. I love you. You are not perfect. But do you want to know something else? Not one of us is. Yeah it seems like some people have everything going for them, but if you look we're better off in areas that they aren't. I need to realize this and maybe telling it to you will help me also. I didn't apply to college until literally right before the school year. I didn't take my ACT until that summer... and you know what? I even failed out of my first semester. Then took blow off fun classes for the next one. But.. here's the thing.. next year? We're in this together, and we're going to do great, and have perfect (or at least better than failing..) grades in our classes!!
Deal? I need you and maybe I can help some too.
As for this weekend. Don't count on your plans. Cause you're going to do stuff. <3
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