I hate my life. I have no job. I suck at school. I can't afford to pay anything off. I have nothing to look forward to in a normal day. I feel like I have no friends right now. I'm pathetic and just lay in my bed all day. I'm a piece of crap and I'm tired of it. This is stupid.

It's funny when people just assume something about you. It's sad too though. Because being yourself is important but people box you off and put you into categories. It's okay it's human nature to do that to be able to define what you're looking at but it's hard to be yourself in that kind of world. I'm so tired right now. So this is all coming out scattered, many of my blog posts do anyways. I just want to be able to be myself with no reservations and no fears. I've always been afraid. I'm afraid of everything.

When our hands accidentally touch. There is just something. When it happens more than once in a night. Wow. :)

Seriously why didn't I just straight up ask you if you had feelings for me. Because it was pretty obvious that you did. And now I messed up and you're with someone else and I can't do a thing about it except sit back and watch. And it's so painful. It gets better everyday but I don't think it will ever go away. WHY DIDN'T I JUST ASK!!!!

Sometimes I wish that when you looked me in the eyes like you do that you would see how much I'm hurting and how much I like you. I'm really surprised that you can't. I make it quite obvious.

Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why?

I'm pretty much a skeptic. I want to believe in things but sometimes it's very hard for me. Because of this I let things defeat me very easily. If something doesn't work the first time I tell myself that it's never going to work. I hate being hung up on one person I'm never like this. You have someone now. And that's okay I guess but I need something to get over you. A distraction just to get me to move on. Which obviously never ends well it's going to take time it always does and I don't get over things easily either. The way you flirt with me, the way you look at me sometimes, I know there is something there. I just wish I understood what it was because I'm confused as hell right now.